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Chuck Norris jokes...nush dak au mai fost...here's my favorite:

 

Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.

 

:)

 

http://www.duckshit.com/chuck-norris-jokes/

Edited by ShoK

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Guest domnul Rig
mai bine scrii sant decat alte cuvinte gen kvlt , lmao etc. ( apropo chiar ce inseamna ) si alti termeny de astia TRENDY care sa arate ce mult ne dam pe internet !

Pai bine ai zis ca pe internet. Pen'ca aia folosesc "sant" in viata reala. :)

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Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.

There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING

 

# When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

 

# Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

 

# There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

 

# Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

 

# Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

 

#

 

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

# Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

 

# Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

 

# There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

 

# When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

 

# Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

 

# Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

 

# Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

 

# Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

 

# Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

 

# Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

 

# Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

 

# Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

 

# Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

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Guest

At a U2 concert in Ireland, Bono (the lead singer) asks the audience for some quiet.

 

Then he starts to slowly clap his hands. Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone...

 

" I want you to think about something. Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

 

A voice from the front of the audience yells out ...

"Then fookin stop clapping, ya ar*ehole !"

 

 

:)

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At a U2 concert in Ireland, Bono (the lead singer) asks the audience for some quiet.

 

Then he starts to slowly clap his hands. Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone...

 

" I want you to think about something. Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

 

A voice from the front of the audience yells out ...

"Then fookin stop clapping, ya ar*ehole !"

:)

 

buna... :)

vin si eu cu ceva, desi nu sunt bancuri, uitati-va pe site-ul acesta: uncyclopedia

E o "cioclopedie" cu subiecte umoristice si tot felul de prostii de ras... incercati sa cautati despre ceva, despre un om, despre o formatie... sa vedeti ce "comentarii" si "informatii" gasiti :)

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Mass de pe Mess :

About a flat-chested girl who happens to be a big Pink Floyd fan: "She is a big Pink Floyd fan. No wonder why the boys call her "The Wall".".

 

Plus, ca tot veni vorba de U :

 

Grandmarshall.jpg

 

In the realm of Heavy Classical music, nothing beats the simple sounds of the Grand Piano/Marshall Stack combo. In fact, so great is its prowess that Rock Guru Johann Sebastian Bach during his Bach in Black Tour proclaimed "it's what separates us from an Electric Light Orchestra."
Edited by vektor

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Guest guitar09

Lars Ulrich:and on that day when yngwie got fat and full of himself Alexi Laiho was born(genesis)... gospel after seit'n' :)

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Un copil este trimis de parinti sa invete bass.Dupa prima zi parintii il intreaba:-Ia zi ce ai invatat azi ?-Azi am invatat sa cant pe prima coarda.A doua zi se repeta povestea:-Ia zi azi ce ai mai invatat ?-PAi,am invatat sa cant pe a 2-a coarda .A treia zi vine copilul acasa foarte fericit.Parintii il intreaba:-Ia zi ce ai mai invatat azi?-Nimic.Azi am avut concert!

p.s scuze basistilor de pe forum,l-am auzit la radio! :)

Edited by Jake

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Laws of Acoustics

 

Any idiot can design a loudspeaker and, unfortunately, many do.

 

You can say anything you want, who's to prove you wrong?

 

The right amount of magnet is the right amount of magnet.

 

The only transient of significance in the audio business is tranquility. It is also the briefest.

 

Accuracy of reproduction is determined by how well a sound system models someone's warped set of preconceived notions.

 

In audio, as elsewhere, foolproof systems prove the existence of fools.

 

Price buys not performance but paranoia.

 

The most outspoken experts on concert hall sonic reality have seldom, if ever, been to a concert.

 

The more money spent on an audiophile system, the less time spent listening to music.

 

In a minimum phase system there is an inextricable link between frequency response, phase response, and transient response, as they are all merely transforms of one another. This, combined with minimalization of open-loop errors in output amplifiers and correct compensation for nonlinear passive crossover network loading, can lead to a significant decrease in system resolution lost. However, this all means nothing when you listen to Pink Floyd.

 

The audio business is no place for reasonable people to make a living.

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Hmm..Letz see

 

James Hexville vine pt. prima data in Romania (concertul din 99 ) , si se indreapta in limuzina lui spre bucuresti . Deoarece e prima data la noi si nu stie ce sa se astepte de la fanii de aici se gandeste sa intrebe pe cineva daca a auzit de el . Vede la marginea drumului un batran ce coseste iarba . Coboara din limuzina , se duce la el sii ii zice :

"Hallo , Io James Hetfield , venit Romania , concert Metallica"

Tipu' se uita la el si da din umeri si zice "Haa?"

Hetfield zice din nou :

"me Hetfield , metallica , Romania ...."

Tipu zice iar "haaa?"

Hetfield goes again :

"io metallica , romania "

Tipu reactioneaza la fel....

Hetfield se urca in limuzina si pleaca mai departe si se gandeste ca nu stie nimeni de el pe la noi....

Tipu' incepe iar sa coseasca si zice "...and nothing else matters"...................

 

Un mafiot intra intr-un restaurant . Merge direct la un barbat si il intreaba :

Stii cine mi-a furat maimuta?

Omu' zice ca nu , mafiotu"scoate un pistol si il impusca .

Mafiotu" o intreaba pe sotia lui "stii cine mi-a furat maimuta?" . Ea spune nu si o impusca si pe ea .

Pana la urma ii intreaba pe toti din restaurant acelasi lucru si ii impusca pe toti clientii si ospatarii si ramane doar formatia ce canta acolo.

Merge la chitarist .

"stii cine mi-a furat maimuta"

"nu"

il impusca....

Merge la tobar

"stii cine mi-a furat maimuta"

"nu"

il impusca....

in final ramane doar unu' ce canta la tzambal.....

"stii cine mi-a furat maimuta?"

"cum sa nu " raspunde , si incepe sa cante "cineee mi-aa furat maimutzaaaa tantza tantza tantza..."

 

Si inca ceva nu ati schimbat becu" bine :)

 

De cati forumisti este nevoie pentru a se schimba/inlocui un bec?

 

-1 membru nou al forumului care raspunde la 6 luni dupa ultimul post si totul o ia de la inceput...

 

Io-s ala :)

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Guest Cycler
Laws of Acoustics

[.................]

Ai uitat ceva :)

 

"Normal people listen to music. Audiophiles listen to speakers."

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http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Les_Paul

 

 

The Gibson Les Paul is one of the world's most dangerous weapons. The people of the Gibson Republic only use the finest wood, dug up from the deepest hole in the world to make their arsenal. The strings are made out of snake skin that has been rolled and set to harden for 777 days and 777 nights. Then they proceed to bake these snake skin strings in an oven that has to be exactly 678,987 degrees Celius. If the oven isn't at its right temperature, the skin will crack, and they have to do it all over again.

 

See also

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http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Les_Paul

 

 

The Gibson Les Paul is one of the world's most dangerous weapons. The people of the Gibson Republic only use the finest wood, dug up from the deepest hole in the world to make their arsenal. The strings are made out of snake skin that has been rolled and set to harden for 777 days and 777 nights. Then they proceed to bake these snake skin strings in an oven that has to be exactly 678,987 degrees Celius. If the oven isn't at its right temperature, the skin will crack, and they have to do it all over again.

 

See also

post-6222-1229192473_thumb.jpg

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Guest Cycler

La scoala:

-Copii ati citit "Capra cu 3 iezi?"

-Daaaaaaa...!!!!!!(raspunde clasa).

-Tu, asta mic din prima banca, ia spune-ne cati iezi avea capra...?

-Pai povestea se cheama "Capra cu 3 iezi", nu?

-Da

-Si acum ma intrebati "cati iezi avea capra"?

-Da..

-TREI, IN P#LA MEA!!!!!!!!!!!

-Despot Adrian, stai jos, azi ai nota 2!

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La scoala:

-Copii ati citit "Capra cu 3 iezi?"

-Daaaaaaa...!!!!!!(raspunde clasa).

-Tu, asta mic din prima banca, ia spune-ne cati iezi avea capra...?

-Pai povestea se cheama "Capra cu 3 iezi", nu?

-Da

-Si acum ma intrebati "cati iezi avea capra"?

-Da..

-TREI, IN P#LA MEA!!!!!!!!!!!

-Despot Adrian, stai jos, azi ai nota 2!

 

aaaaa =))))))))

:) :) :)

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Guest KingAndrulici

Heavy metal * is the 666th element in the periodic table of mixology. Heavy metal is the heaviest of the metals, even heavier than rock. It was discovered in 1964 by the German physicist Lucifer, who sold the rights to the discovery to King Diamond in exchange for his soul. It was not until the industrial revolution of the 1970's that it became important as the primary ingredient in the manufacture of Lead Zeppelins. Coincidentally, when the revolution died down in the 1980's another technique in Heavy Metal handling was found. This new way to handle Heavy Metal gave astounding results creating a wide range of products, products like : A musical version of Judas' followers and a brand new torture device which actually gave enjoyment to the victim.

Heavy metal is often blamed for heavy metal poisoning, which can lead to suicidal tendencies in teenagers. It is also one of the sources of headbanging (along with hard rock. It has been said that this headbanging disease is spreading all over North America and has made its way to England. These Brits love it, even though their parents are trying to cure it with Scientology , a medicine made of pure bullshit that can be purchased at any local Tom Cruise store. The element is mainly found in the United States of America, England, Canada, and most of all, Finland, where it is found in an almost pure form, it is believed that Finland sits on a mine of pure heavy metal, and that the Finns themselves have almost all been mutated into metalheads by it. The Norwegians and Swedes as well. :)))))))))))))

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un violonist se cazeaza la un hotel de mana a doua.urmand ca a doua zi sa aiba concert scoate vioara din cutie si incepe sa cante o arie celebra

dupa 2 minute intra proprietareasa speriata pe usa

''ce faci domle ?''

''pai...cant la vioara''

''aha,bine,credeam ca tai piciorul la pat cu fierastraul''

 

@vector

 

stratul e facut de mine din bucati

griful cu 24 e mai lung decat cel cu 21 da sa nu mai spui la nimeni

mai grav

am doua grifuri cu 21 de taste si miracol,unul e mai lung ca altul

tom ul nu e pus la plezneala,trebuia sa fie acolo

 

acum tinand cont ca si un celebru lutier roman a rasolit o chitara si a pus tom ul gresit sper sa gasesti in adancul sufletului puterea de ami lasa in pace ''creatia''

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