www.rgc.ro Web analytics

Jump to content
Guest _ManiA_

Bancuri

Recommended Posts

Guest danny_boy_weeeee

Intr-o zi mor nishte rockeri. Uni punkeri altii metalishti. Metalisti se duc in rai, punkerii in iad. Se duc punkerii la Iisus. Doamne, metalistii de ce au voie in rai si noi nu?

Iisus raspunde: "Pai ei au plete ca Mine voi n-avetzi"

 

Long hair comes from GOD :):)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Sylviu

cam sec :)

 

prea tari alea cu pastele :) ..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

...fortzat sa fie tematic :)

 

Intr-o unitate de tancuri, unei grupe de proaspeti recruti li se prezinta pentru prima oara un tanc. Plutonierul comandant de grupa incepe sa le explice:

- Tancul este de tip T-55, fabricat in URSS. Are cineva vreo intrebare?

Nimeni nu intreaba nimic.

- Pe tanc, se afla instalat un aruncator de grenade calibrul 120. Are cineva vreo intrebare?

Nimeni nu intreaba nimic.

- Tot pe tanc avem o statie de comunicatii radio. Are cineva vreo intrebare?

Un soldat ridica mina timid.

- Da, soldat, spune!

- Domnule plutonier, statia radio e pe lampi sau pe tranzistori?

- Ba, pentru tampiti ca tine o sa repet : este pe tanc.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Baumwolle

Hm, cred ca vrea tancul... :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Nu e tematic da e tare....

 

A man scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive woman standing alone. He approached her and asked her name.

"My name is Carmen," she told him.

"That's beautiful," he said. "Is it a family name?"

"No," she replied, "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most - cars and men. What's your name?" she asked.

"Beerfuck," he replied

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

An electric guitar player comes to the doctor and complains about a serious deterioriation of his memory. He especially has a hard time remembering correct time changes and is afraid to lose all his gigs. Since the doctor can't find the cause, he asks the electric guitar player to leave behind his brain for a week in his lab for more detailed examinations. After seven days the guitar player fails to show up, and even after 2 more weeks there's no sign of him. Finally the doctor runs into him on the street, grabs him and asks: "Excuse me, but your brain is still waiting for you to stop by and pick it up, so why don't you show up?" The electric guitar player says, "Well, I think you can keep it; I finally switched to drums..."

 

:)

 

WHY GUITARS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN

Guitars don't get pregnant.

You can play your Guitar any time of the month.

Guitars don't have parents.

Guitars don't whine... unless you want them to.

You can share your Guitar with your friends.

Guitars don't care how many other Guitars you've played

Guitars don't care how many other Guitars you have.

Guitars don't care if you look at other Guitars.

Guitars don't care if you buy Guitar magazines.

You'll never hear, "Surprise, you are going to proud father of a new Guitar" unless you go out to buy one yourself.

If your Guitar is flat you can fix it.

Your Guitar doesn't care if you never listen to it.

Your Guitar won't care if you leave up the toilet seat.

You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works on your Guitar.

If you say bad things to your Guitar, you don't have to apologize before you play it again.

You can play your Guitar as long as you want and it won't get sore.

You can stop playing your Guitar as soon as you want and it won't get frustrated.

Your parents won't remain in touch with your old Guitar after you dump it.

Guitars don't get headaches.

Guitars don't insult you if you're a bad player.

Your Guitar never wants a night out with the other Guitars.

Guitars don't care if you're late.

You don't have to take a shower before you play your Guitar.

If your Guitar doesn't look good you can refinish it or get new parts.

You can play your Guitar the first time you meet it, without having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.

The only protection you have to wear when playing your Guitar is a decent thumb pick.

When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great time you had the last time you played your Guitar.

and last, but not least:

If you decide to part with an old Guitar, you don't have to give up half of everything you own.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest MrJackson

 

WHY GUITARS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN

 

If you say bad things to your Guitar, you don't have to apologize before you play it again.

 

Your parents won't remain in touch with your old Guitar after you dump it.

 

You don't have to take a shower before you play your Guitar.

 

If you decide to part with an old Guitar, you don't have to give up half of everything you own.

 

:):):) Parca e mai tare decat aia cu berea :(

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest MrJackson

Era aia cu "10 Reasons why a beer is better than a woman"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest alicedark

De cati muzicieni de jazz e nevoie ca sa schimbi un bec?

De 20. De ce?

Unul insurubeaza becul, 2 tin scara si 17 apar ca invitati...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Un mic sfat: va recomand sa nu ziceti bancurile pe care le-ati citit aici decat muzicienilor. Am zis cateva bancuri citite aici unor prieteni (non-musicians) si nu prea au fost incantati. Daca aveau un sac de rosi pun pariu ca aruncau dupa mine :)

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Q: How many bluegrass players does it take to change a light bulb?

 

A: None. They won't touch anything electric.

 

Q: What did the deadhead say when he ran out of pot?

 

A: "God Almighty, this music sucks!!!"

 

Q: What do you call a deadhead that just broke up with his girlfriend?

 

A: Homeless

 

Q: What's the difference between a musician and a pizza ?

 

A: A pizza can feed a family of four.

 

Q: How do you get an musician off your front step ?

 

A: Pay for the pizza.

 

Q: How do you get an electric guitarist to turn down his amp ?

 

A: Put a piece of sheet music in front of him.

 

Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

 

A: It doesn't matter - bass players are never in the light anyway.

 

Q: How many "deadheads" does it take to change a light bulb ?

 

A: They don't change it. They just wait for it to burn out, and then they follow it around for 30 years.

 

Q: What does it mean when a drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth ?

 

A: The stage is level

 

Q: What is the first sign you're Halluncinating?

 

A: Two electric guitar players are playing in tune.

 

Q: What do you call in "in-tune electric guitar"?

 

A: An oxymoron.

 

Q: What do you call a "Clean Shot"?

 

A: When you can throw an electric guitar into the toilet without hitting the seat.

 

Q: Did you hear about the heavy metal player who locked his keys in the car?

 

A: He had to break the window to let the drummer out!

 

Asta ultima ii cea mai tare!!! :):):)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

cred ca vine de la metalhead :)

 

mai era un banc cu un chitarist si un duh, nu stiu daca s-a zis

here it goes:

 

intr-o zi, un chitarist se intalneste cu un duh, care ii propune cele 3 dorinte clasice cu o mici exceptie - pentru fiecare lucru care il va cere, ceilalti vor primi dublu.

tipul cere prima data un jem, ultimul model, cu toate dotarile. e super incantat de scula, normal, dar toti ceilalti chitaristi primesc doua.

urmatoarea dorinta - un rack full. dorinta ii e indeplinita (bine, nu stiu ce ar face ceilalti acum cu 2 rackuri :))

vine randul si celei de-a treia, la care tipul, mai inspirat ca niciodata

"stii, intotdeauna m-am gandit sa donez un rinichi.."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

cred ca vine de la metalhead :)

 

mai era un banc cu un chitarist si un duh, nu stiu daca s-a zis

here it goes:

 

intr-o zi, un chitarist se intalneste cu un duh, care ii propune cele 3 dorinte clasice cu o mici exceptie - pentru fiecare lucru care il va cere, ceilalti vor primi dublu.

tipul cere prima data un jem, ultimul model, cu toate dotarile. e super incantat de scula, normal, dar toti ceilalti chitaristi primesc doua.

urmatoarea dorinta - un rack full. dorinta ii e indeplinita (bine, nu stiu ce ar face ceilalti acum cu 2 rackuri :()

vine randul si celei de-a treia, la care tipul, mai inspirat ca niciodata

"stii, intotdeauna m-am gandit sa donez un rinichi.."

 

:):) TARE !

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Shiryu

what's a deadhead?

 

Deadhead se refera la un fan al trupei Grateful Dead. in general sunt considerati niste hippies/drogati/homeless si cu un devotament absolut pentru trupa asta...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest mircea

Pentru ce e bun un acordeon?

Ca sa inveti cum se tine o harta.

 

Un tip merge in vacanta pe o insula tropicala. Pe masura ce vaporul se apropie de insula, el aude sunet de tobe. Tot timpul se aude sunet de tobe. Tipul este foarte deranjat de tobele care se aud tot timpul. Cand ajunge pe insula intreaba pe prima persoana de pe insula ce se intampla daca se opresc tobele. Persoana de pe insula este foarte nervoasa si spune: "Ah, nu, nu, foarte rau daca se opresc tobele!"

A doua zi, dupa foarte putin somn, intreaba pe alt locuitor al insulei ce se intampla daca se opresc tobele. Acesta o ia la fuga si spune: "Nuu, sa nu se opreasca tobele!"

Dupa 3 zile de dormit putin, tipul ia pe primul locuitor al insulei, il leaga de un pom si il intreaba: "Ce dr**u se intampla daca se opresc tobele"

Locuitorul insulei raspunde foarte speriat: "SOLO DE BASS!!!!"

 

 

- Ce e o secunda mica?

- Doi chitaristi cantand la unison

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

cred ca vine de la metalhead :)

 

mai era un banc cu un chitarist si un duh, nu stiu daca s-a zis

here it goes:

 

intr-o zi, un chitarist se intalneste cu un duh, care ii propune cele 3 dorinte clasice cu o mici exceptie - pentru fiecare lucru care il va cere, ceilalti vor primi dublu.

tipul cere prima data un jem, ultimul model, cu toate dotarile. e super incantat de scula, normal, dar toti ceilalti chitaristi primesc doua.

urmatoarea dorinta - un rack full. dorinta ii e indeplinita (bine, nu stiu ce ar face ceilalti acum cu 2 rackuri :))

vine randul si celei de-a treia, la care tipul, mai inspirat ca niciodata

"stii, intotdeauna m-am gandit sa donez un rinichi.."

 

 

Eu stiam varianta: "cred ca mi-ar fi de ajuns un singur koi" :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest anghelescu

Q: How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Twenty. One to change the bulb and nineteen to say, "Not bad, but I could've done better".

:)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Koma

o bila cade

 

face "poc poc" sau "poc poc poc" ? :)

 

-

 

-

 

R: "poc poc" (pentru ca e BIla, nu TRIla) :)

 

 

cam sec si fara legatura cu muzica, da` dragutz :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest spyked88
o bila cade

 

face "poc poc" sau "poc poc poc" ? :)

Un rãspuns ºi mai sec: depinde de constanta de elasticitate a bilei. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Wierdguy

nu are legtura cu chitara.... da e prea tare : There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

un banc legat de muzica:

Un grunger se gandeste in sfarsit sa faca un dush... dupa mult timp de nespalare... Pleata se lipise intr`o bucata...era vai de el... in timp ce freca sapunu de jeg....se aude un strigat din baie:YESS!!! YESSS!!!.... maicasa speriata intreaba:'ce`ai patit', la care asta din baie incantat: mama, mi`am gasit tricou cu kurt

!!!

Edited by Wierdguy

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Un grunger se gandeste in sfarsit sa faca un dush... dupa mult timp de nespalare... Pleata se lipise intr`o bucata...era vai de el... in timp ce freca sapunu de jeg....se aude un strigat din baie:YESS!!! YESSS!!!.... maicasa speriata intreaba:'ce`ai patit', la care asta din baie incantat: mama, mi`am gasit tricou cu kurt

!!!

Valeu cum evolueaza bancurile astea. Acum 9-10 ani il auzisem cu metalistu / Metallica :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Cu scuze pentru limbajul licentios.

 

Un tip are un hobby: canta la chitara. Dar de la un timp ori de cate ori canta i se scula **** intr-o erectie fantastica.

Azi asa, maine asa, omul nu a mai suportat si s-a dus la doctor sa ii explice fenomenul.

Doctorul l-a ascultat si i-a spus ca de 30 de ani de cand este medic nu a vazut asa ceva, rugandu-l ca a doua zi sa vina cu chitara si sa-i demonstreze si lui.

A doua zi, omul cu chitara in cabinetul doctorului.

Dupa terminarea partiturii atat **** doctorului, cat si cea a pacientului erau intr-o erectie de zile mari.

Sta doctorul pe ganduri si zice: "Domnule, ori p00lele noastre sunt melomane, ori dumneata canti ca o p1zda!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Formular pentru loteria vizelor de resedinta in Caracal

 

Rezidenta Permanenta

 

Cerere de stabilire resedinta in municipiul Caracal

 

Formular tip RV/2000 - Decebal si Traian

 

1. Numele: ________________ (ultimul)

 

2. Prenumele: (_)Vasile (_)Vasilica (_)Gheorghe (_)Gherghina (_)Ion (_)Ionica

(Bifati paranteza corespunzatoare)

 

3. Virsta: ____

 

4. Sexul: ____ M _____ F _____ Nu este cazul

 

5. Masura la gumari: ____ Stangul ____ Dreptul

 

6. Ocupatia: (_) Gradinar (_) Posesor cazan tuica (_) Vinator (_) Fara ocupatie

 

7. Numele sotiei: __________________________

 

8. Gradul de rudenie cu sotia : (_) Sora (_) Frate (_) Matusa (_) Var/vara (_) Fiica vitrega

 

9. Numarul de copii cu care urmeaza sa locuiti: ___. Din care, ai dumneavostra: ___

 

10. Numele mamei: _______________________ Numele tatalui:____________________

(Daca nu sunteti sigur, lasati necompletat)

 

11. Educatie: __1 __2 __3 __4

(Incercuieste ce clasa primara maxima absolvisi, si de cate ori )

 

12. Sunteti (_)proprietar la, sau luati cu (_)chirie gradina de zarzavat?

(Bifati paranteza care se potriveste)

___ Numarul de tigani care va sunt vecini

___ Cati butuci de vita de vie aveti plantati in curtea din fata

___ Cati butuci de vita de vie aveti plantati in curtea din spate

 

13. Carti tinute in casa:

(_) cartea de imobil

(_) nu am telefon

(_) nu stiu sa scriu/scriu numai pe pungi

 

14. De la ce post de radio aflati ora exacta? ___Radio Craiova

15. Modelul si anul de fabricatie al masinii personale: 194________

___Cu antena

___Fara antena

 

16. Aveti acasa cazan clandestin de facut tuica?

(_) Da (_) Nu;

 

17. Daca nu, va rugam explicati:

___ De cate ori ati fost la Bucuresti?

___ De cate ori ati umblat cu minerii?

___ De cate ori ati fost cu minerii la Bucuresti?

 

18. Cat de des faceti baie:

(_) Saptaminal

(_) Lunar

(_) Nu este cazul

 

19. Indicati cat veti dona la urmatoarele partide/grupari:

________PRM

________PDSR

________PUNR

________PCR

________PMR

------------PNT-CD

 

20. Culoarea ochilor: (_) Negru (_) Negru inchis (_) Negru foarte inchis (_) Negru intens

(_) Nu este cazul

 

21. Ce bautura obisnuiti: (_) Tuica (_) Cocartz (_) "Matinal"

 

22. Cat de departe de gradina e drumul national?

(_) 1 kilometru

(_) cativa kilometri

(_) nu stiu

 

23. Cum va incalziti iarna? (_) foc de lemne (_) gaze (_) cu cateaua (_) nu este cazul

 

24. Cum va procurati apa de baut? (_) din casa (_) o iau de la pompa (_) nu folosesc

 

25. Cati ardei iuti mancati:

___ inainte de fiecare masa

___ inainte de fiecare tuica

___ inainte de masa si in timpul mesei

___ in loc de masa

 

26. Cate undite aveti, si unde le tineti: ___ in masina ___ in dormitor ___in baie ___ la bucatarie

 

:)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

"This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse the site you are agreeing to our use of cookies.