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Guest _ManiA_

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Asta s-a intamplat pe forumul lui Andy Sneap:

 

Dreathus: Are Mic Preamps a necessity? im trying to get my new studio up and running, but i was wondering, will adding mic preamps make a huge diffrence?

 

James Murphy: only if you want to record using microphones. :l

 

Nebulous: Just curious.....you do know what pre's do, dont you?

I hope you mean external, quallity pre's, and that you already have a desk or something with which you can get level to tape.

 

Xtranscendedx: nope not needed at all the sound will just jump onto the tape

 

:)

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netematic, dar super mijto (zic eu)

la un post de radio din Canada s-a facut un concurs la care erau inscrisi toti cei care puteau sa inventeze un cuvant nou - dar care sa aiba sens.

printre alte aberatii, au primit un telefon de la un tip care a spus pe litere cuvantul nou: "G...O...A...N"

mediatorul l-a intrebat: OK, si ce sens are? :)

i se raspunde: GOAN fuck yourself!

suparat, mediatorul inchide telefonul

 

dupa un timp, alt telefon care anunta un nou cuvant: "S...M...E....E"

iar: Care-i sensul?

i se raspunde: SMEE again, GOAN fuck yourself!

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Guest DeathWarden
:)) super tare:)) malex ai zburat somnu din mine :))

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Q - What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?

 

A - Homeless

 

Q - How does a guitar player show up for practice?

 

A - Drunk and late......... as usual

 

 

Q - How do you make a guitarist play quieter?

 

A - Put sheet music in front of him.

 

 

 

Q - How do you make him stop?

 

A - Put notes on it.

 

 

 

Q - What do you throw a drowning guitarist ?

 

A - His amplifier.

 

Q - What did the guitar say to the guitarist?

 

A - Pick on someone your own size!

 

Q - What do you say to a guitar player in a 3-piece suit ?

 

A - "Will the defendant please rise ..."

 

Q - How do you get two guitar players to play in perfect unison?

 

A - Shoot One.

 

 

 

mai multe aiciGuitar jokes

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Guest Baumwolle

Vand calculatorul, imi schimb numele, ma arunc in fata trenului si ma mut la New York.Then I can play the blues. :)

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Un fel de continuare la primu post din acest topic:

 

* SPEED METAL

Suddenly there, short solo, dragon is confused, someones screaming weird

stuff, princess realizes she's been deflowered, dragon and princess are

still looking for the one who did this.

 

 

* BATTLE METAL

The protagonist arrives with a legion of a hundred brave footman, war

chariots and a dozen elite warriors and, as a master tactician, flanks

the dragon in a bloody siege that lasts six hours. The princess gets

bored.

 

 

* NU METAL

The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight

the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch

fire.

 

 

* EMO

The protagonist sees the dragon and moans about how hard it will be to

get the princess to fall in love with him, He gets eaten. The princess

is very happy, because he was a whiny fag anyway.

 

 

* GRUNGE

The protagonist doesn't get eaten by the dragon because he stinks too

much from not washing his hair in months. The princess won't go near him

either, and he ends up dying on the town hall steps with the other

mosha's due to the over consumption of white cider.

 

 

* POP-PUNK

The dragon can't eat the protagonist because he can't catch him because

he keeps bouncing up and down. The princess won't f*ck him either,

because he likes ska.

 

De fiecare data cand mi-aduc aminte de faza cu Speed Metalu ma rupe rasu... :)

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FIFTY YEARS IN THE FUTURE:

 

A guitarist dies and is quite please to find that he ends up standing before the pearly gates of Guitar Heaven. St. Peter shows him in, and gives him a guided tour.

 

"This is Stevie Ray's room here..." says Peter, and the guitarist is saying "Wow! Stevie Ray!"

"And this is Jimi's room..." and the guitarist is totally over the moon.

 

Finally Peter shows the guitarist to his own room. Before Peter leaves, he says to him, "I have to ask. Is Yngwie here?" Peter shakes his head sadly and says "I'm afraid he went... the "other" way..."

 

The guitarist is disappointed but goes to his room and tries to get some sleep. He is woken up in the middle of the night by someone playing a really fast harmonic minor lick - and it sounds just like Yngwie. He presses his ear to the wall, and listens more closely. Someone in the next room is playing really fast neo-classical shreds through what sounds very much like a vintage Strat. The guitarist is confused as it sounds so much like Yngwie. The next day he tells Peter that he is almost certain that Yngwie's in the next room.

 

Peter pulls him to one side, and whispers into his ear, "Shhh.... don't tell anyone. That's God. He thinks he's Yngwie Malmsteen"

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Guest Ibanez Man

Q: Why did the post office recall the new guitar player stamps?

A: Because people could not tell which side to spit on.

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Unele sunt bune altele mai putin bune :)

 

So.....You Might Be a Shredder if...

 

If you have an instrumental song where at least 20% involves finger tapping, you are a shredder.

 

If you think that Jackson, Ibanez, or Music Man makes the greatest guitars on the planet, you are a shredder.

 

If you lose half of your audience during a concert to boredom who happen to be big guitar fans, you are a shredder.

 

If you have to put out solo albums because you don't have enough room to express youself in a guitar heavy band, you are a shredder.

 

If you think Joe Satriani sold out when he started to sing on a few songs, you are a shredder.

 

If you think Clapton, EVH, Townsend, Angus, Young, Iommi, and Hendrix are slow playing hacks, you are a shredder.

 

If you think early Metallica and Slayer play to slow and don't have enough solos, you are a shredder.

 

If you can cram every scale known to man into a three minute song, you are a shredder.

 

If you still wear leather pants and stare at your guitar when you play, you are a shredder.

 

When you lose sight of writing memorable material and just focus on pointless speed gymnastics, then you're a shredder.

 

You are out to impress yourself and actually do, your a shredder.

 

Your friends are amazed at your playing for 30 seconds then start to yawn, then you know your a shredder.

 

The minute you put your foot on the monitor, you are a shredder.

 

When your hair reaches down lower than you wear your guitar.... you might be a shredder.

 

When your wife asks for her pants back before your company talent show... you might be a shredder.

 

When you have guitars that are all the same color with different stripe patterns.... you might be a shredder.

 

When you see the tab to Eruption in your mind when you sleep.. At double speed.. you might be a shredder.

 

When chicks do not dig your music, you might be a shredder.

 

When the blues players start to dislike your music because it doesn't include many audible blues/jazz/country influences then you are a shredder.

 

When you use a RG, Jackson, Explorer, or other thin necked pointy instruments at all, then you might be a shredder.

 

You know your a shredder when you take yourself so seriously playing guitar that you can't laugh at yourself when other people point out how much of a stereotype shredder you are!

 

When you have a guitar that has two necks pointing in the opposite direction, you might be a shredder.

 

If you ever video taped yourself playing to impress yourself and others, you might be a shredder.

 

The only job in the music business you can get is making guitar tutorial videoes, you might be a shredder.

 

If you own every Yngwie J.M. record ever recorded, you might be a shredder.

 

If you play in an 80s metal tribute cover band, you might be a shredder.

 

If your more popular in Japan than anywhere else in the rest of the world, you might be a shredder.

 

If you like Marty Friedman better when he when played outside of Megadeth, you might be a shredder.

 

If you've played guitar on one of Les Claypool's project records, you might be a shredder.

 

If you were a studio musician for Cher in the mid-80s, you might be a shredder.

 

If you were sponsored by Kramer before they went under, you might be a shredder.

 

If you think the monkey grip is cool on the Ibanez Jem models, you might be a shredder.

 

If you have actually simulated sex on stage with your guitar, you might be a shredder.

 

If David Lee Roth approached you about joining his solo band, you might be a shredder.

 

If you hate grunge, Nirvana and especially Kurt Cobain, you might be a shredder.

 

If you have ever owned a guitar with a naked chick painted on it, you might be a shredder.

 

If you own one or more neon pink or lime green guitars, you might be a shredder.

 

If you think set-neck guitars are for pussies, you might be a shredder.

 

If you have ever been on stage with a giant inflatable fake falice, you might be a shredder.

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1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning."

 

"I got a good woman," is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line:

"I got a good woman with the meanest dog in town."

 

2. The Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes ... sort of:

"Got a good woman with the meanest dog in town.

He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and he weigh 500 pounds."

 

3. The Blues are not about limitless choice.

 

4. Blues cars are Chevys and Cadillacs. Other acceptable Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Walkin' plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

 

5. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. Adults sing the Blues. Blues adulthood means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

 

6.You can have the Blues in New York City, but not in Hamilton Ont. or Vancouver B.C. Hard times in Saskatchewan or Nova Scotia is just depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues.

 

7.The following colors do not belong in the Blues:

a. violet

b. beige

c. mauve

8.You can't have the Blues in an office or a shopping mall; the lighting is wrong.

 

9.Good places for the Blues:

a. the highway

b. the jailhouse

c. an empty bed

Bad places:

a. Ashrams

b. gallery openings

c. weekend in Muskoka

 

10 No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old black man.

 

11 Do you have the right to sing the Blues?

Yes, if:

a. your first name is a southern state -- like Georgia

b. you're blind

c. you shot a man in Memphis

d. you can't be satisfied

No, if:

a. you were once blind but now can see

b. you're deaf

c. you have a trust fund

 

12 Neither Celine Dion nor Anne Murray can sing the Blues.

 

13 If you ask for water and Baby gives you gasoline, it's the Blues.

Other Blues beverages are:

a. wine

b. Irish whiskey

c. muddy water

The following are NOT Blues beverages:

a. any mixed drink

b. any wine kosher for Passover

c. Snapple (all flavors)

 

14 If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, or being denied treatment in an emergency room. It is not a Blues death if you die during a liposuction treatment.

 

15 Some Blues names for women:

a. Sadie

b. Big Mama

c. Bessie

16 Some Blues names for men:

a. Joe

b. Willie

c. Little Willie

d. Big Willie

e. Lightning

 

17 Persons with names like Sierra, Sequoia, and Rainbow will not be permitted to sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

 

18 Other Blues names (starter kit):

a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Asthmatic)

b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.)

c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)

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Saraca lume a barbatilor .......:-)

 

Am fost barbat indraznet, macho, liber si aveam parul lung.

Sotia mea m-a cunoscut, nu invers; Mi s-a prezentat si oriunde mergeam, ea era deja acolo......sunt deja 12 ani de atunci.

Pe vremea aia eram un motociclist inrait, purtam numai tricouri negre, blugi crestati, cizme de motociclist si aveam....parul lung.

 

Bineinteles ca aveam si un outfit pentru ocazii speciale. Atunci purtam un tricou negru, blugi crestati si papuci de sport, adidasi, albi.

 

Munca pe acasa era ceva rar, pentru ca eu eram mereu cat mai departe, pe drumuri.

Dar imi iubeam viata asa cum era ea.

Asa, deci, m-a cunoscut ea. "Tu esti barbatul viselor mele. Esti atat de .......macho, indraznet si ...liber".

 

Cu libertatea a fost in curand gata, pentru am decis sa ne casatorim.

De ce nu?!? Eram un barbat indraznet, aproape liber si aveam....parul lung.

Bineinteles toate astea numai pana la nunta. Cu putin timp inainte imi zice: "Ai putea si tu macar la frizer sa mergi, ca totusi vin si parintii mei la nunta."

Treceau orele - NU, ..... dupa cateva zile si lacrimi fara numar de la ea....... am lasat de la mine si mi-am tras o frizura la moda cu par scurt, ca......in cele din urma o iubeam, si ce mai.... eram barbat indraznet, aproape liber, nu mai aveam parul lung dar eram ataaaaaaat de dulce.

"Scumpul meu, eu te iubesc asa cum esti !!!" - a exalat ea.

 

Viata era in regula desi la cap imi era putin mai racoare.

Au urmat saptamani de convieturire pasnica si duioasa pana cand intr-o zi nevasta mea statea in fata mea cu o plasa mare in brate. A cumparat o camasa, o helanca (la cuvantul asta deja am pielea gainii) si o pereche de pantaloni, noi noute si imi zice: "Probeaza si tu astea, te rog !"

Au trecut zile, au trecut luni si nenumarate servetele imbibate cu lacrimi de la ea ............ ca in cele din urma sa las de la mine si sa port camasa, helanca (hrrrrr) si pantaloni de stofa. Au urmat pantofi negri, sacou, cravate si pardesiu. Dar eram barbat indraznet, super misto si cu parul scurt.

 

Apoi a urmat cea mai mare lupta, Lupta pentru motocicleta. Bineinteles ca nu a durat mult, pentru ca in costum negru si cu permanenta frecare si topaiala pe motocicleta nu poti lupta mult. In afara de asta pantofii negri de lac erau de asemenea o "forta" fragila. Dar ce mai conta, eram barbat chipes, aproape liber, conduceam un combi si aveam parul scurt.

 

Cu anii au mai urmat multe alte batalii, pe care eu le-am pierdut in oceanul ei de lacrimi. Eu spalam, eu calcam, eu faceam cuparaturile, am invatat slagare pe derost, beam vin rosu dulce si faceam plimbarea de duminica. "Dar si ce?!?"- ma gandeam eu ;.............. eram un pampalau, asuprit, ma simteam naspa si aveam parul scurt......

 

Intr-o buna zi, scumpa mea nevasta statea in fata usii cu valizele impachetate si mi-a zis: "Te parasesc !"

Uimit si socat o intreb pentru ce motiv. "Nu te mai iubesc, te-ai schimbat atat de mult. Nu mai esti omul pe care l-am cunoscut eu odata." - mi-a zis ea, trantindu-mi usa in nas.

..........................................

...........................................

De curand am intalnit-o iarasi. "Noul" ei (masculul) este un motociclist paros, cu blugi crestati si tatuaje care...... se uita la mine plin de compasiune.

Cred ca o sa-i trimit cadou o sapca !

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Guest miriapod

sylviu si marcel, this one's for you :)

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Guest Sylviu

cat e de adevarata povestea :)

 

trist.. ce poa sa faca o femeie din tine.. park imi citeam viitoru in povestea aia :)

 

deocamdata sunt un barbat indraznet, aproape liber si am paru lung.. deocamdata :) am shi shapca :(

Edited by Sylviu

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Guest tudor.

Legat de bancul cu bluesmanul de la inceputul paginii....

What does it say on a blues singer's tombstone?

"I didn't wake up this morning..."

asta a fost prea tare :):):):(B)

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