The Whys And Wherefores Of The Blues

[Guest costi iorga]

Enjoy!

 

THE WHYS AND WHEREFORES OF THE BLUES:

 

 

If you're new to Blues music, or you like it but never

really understood the whys and wherefores, here are some very

fundamental rules:

 

1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning..."

 

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the

Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line

like, "I got a good woman, With the meanest face in town."

 

3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line

right, repeat it.

Then, find something that rhymes -- sort of:

"Got a good woman with the meanest face in town.

Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in

town.

Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weigh 500

pound."

 

4. The Blues is not about choice. "You stuck in a

ditch, you stuck in a ditch...ain't no way out."

 

5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs, and

broken-down trucks.

Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility

Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus

or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored

motor pools ain't even in the running.

Walkin' plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle. So

does fixin' to die.

 

6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin'

to die yet.

Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means

being old enough to get the electric chair if you

shoot a man in Memphis.

 

7. Blues can take place in New York City, but not in

Hawaii or anywhere in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis

or Seattle are probably Just clinical depression.

Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas City, Memphis, and

N'awlins are still the best places to have the Blues.

You cannot have the Blues in any place that don't get rain.

 

8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues. A

woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg

'cause you were skiing is not the Blues. Breaking your

leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.

 

9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping

mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking

lot or sit by the dumpster.

 

10. Good places for the Blues:

a. highway,

b. jailhouse,

c. empty bed,

d. bottom of a whiskey glass.

 

11. Bad places for the Blues:

a. Nordstrom's,

b. gallery openings,

c. Ivy League institutions,

d. golf courses.

 

12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a

suit, less you happen to be an old person, and you slept in it.

 

13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if:

a. you're older than dirt,

b. you're blind,

c. you shot a man in Memphis,

d. you can't be satisfied.

 

No, if:

a. you have all your teeth,

b. you were once blind but now can see,

c. the man in Memphis lived,

d. you have a 401 K or trust fund.

 

14. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of

bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the Blues. Sonny Liston

could have. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the Blues.

 

15. If you ask for water and your darlin' gives you

gasoline, it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues

beverages are:

a. cheap wine,

b. whiskey or bourbon,

c. muddy water,

d. black coffee.

 

The following are NOT Blues beverages:

a. Perrier,

b. Chardonnay,

c. Snapple,

d. Slim Fast.

 

16. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun

shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a

jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So are

the electric chair, substance abuse, and

dying lonely on a broken-down cot.

 

You can't have a Blues death if you die during a

tennis match or while getting liposuction.

 

17. Some Blues names for women:

a. Sadie,

b. Big Mama,

c. Bessie,

d. Jennie.

 

18. Some Blues names for men:

a. Joe,

b. Willie,

c. Little Willie,

d. Big Willie.

 

19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber,

Jennifer, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the Blues no

matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

 

20. Blues Name Starter Kit:

a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame,

etc.),

b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon,

Lime, Peach, etc.),

c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson,

Fillmore, etc.).

 

For example: Blind Lemon Jefferson, Pegleg Lime

Johnson, or Cripple Peach Fillmore, etc.

 

21. I don't care how tragic your life is; if you own

a computer, you cannot sing the blues, period. Sorry.

 

Multumesc prietenului meu Laur Morun pentru aceste lectii de mare valoare!

Edited February 13, 2008 by costi iorga

[Guest singuraticul]

f tare frate......

"I got a good woman, With the meanest face in town."

[Guest Cyclops]

True, true.. am o oarecare retinere pt pct 12

[vektor]

iar ? a mai fost de cel putin 2 ori ...

 

asta e ca aia cu 100 rules of <<whatever>>

 

[pulbur]

oricum,it kicks ass!!!

[Guest costi iorga]

iar ? a mai fost de cel putin 2 ori ...

 

asta e ca aia cu 100 rules of <<whatever>>

 

 

Eu n-am vazut sa mai fi fost... ma rog, poate nici nu sunt asa de vechi ca tine pe acest forum. Dar daca nu-ti place, nu tb sa citesti! Sunt sigur ca gasesti topicuri mai pe masura intereselor si exigentelor tale, forumul e har-Domnului, destul de mare .

Cele 100 rules of <<whatever>> nu le cunosc.

[guitarhead]

...OMG!, Costi, this is so true, man ... and F*****g hillarious, I'm ROFLMAO!! )))))))))))), bitchin', man! ... si e prima oara cind o vad (desi la pariu ca e ceva mai veche), THANK YOU, Sir! haaaaaaaahaahaaa lolool hahaaaarrrgghhhhh

[Guest PhenomenOn]

Ce tare

[vektor]

"100" rules of <<whatever>> : http://www.metalstorm.ee/pub/fun.php?f_type=1

 

1 si 2

 

have fun

[gadjo]

tare.. insista prea mult pe rich people can't have the blues dar astia pe care au scos bani pe discuri s-au auto-desfiintat? sau au impuscat pe cineva in memphis deci sunt inca valizi ?

[Cosu]

Nu, doar s-au trezit dimineata